Scary Mommy

Like many people I have been feeling morose lately. All my New Years goals and ambitions went the way of past New Years goals and ambitions. The thing that makes it worse this year is that this was the year I decided to stop procrastinating and get moving. Write more blog posts, clean out my house, get in shape…yada,yada,yada. My dog being diagnosed with a degenerative disease also makes it hard. Last June, we were on a walk and he fell, more like collapsed in front of my house.  Needless to say it was high drama. The one thing that stuck out in my mind was not how scary it was but that a neighbor drove by my entire family and did not stop to ask if everything was okay or did we need help (obviously no and yes). As she passed us in the dust her “magnet” on the back of her car was etched in my memory. She was a marked woman.

Fast forward almost 9 months later. I have not seen that neighbor since that day until yesterday. When she blew through a stop sign and almost hit me. As I wailed on the horn and I did not lift my hand I could see she was ignoring me. I knew who it was by her stupid frigging “MAGNET”. Word of advice, if you are going to be that douchbag driver don’t put a “MAGNET” on your car. Since again, she is my neighbor I had no choice but to follow her towards my house were true to her character she blew through the stop/yield sign on our corner. Now I was furious.

As I passed my own house to follow her to her house, I knew that she must be thinking I was following her, not heading home. As if to throw her off I did not want her to know I lived 3 houses away from her so I continued after her. I did not pull into my garage. However that psycho Sally continued driving. Now I was faced with 2 choices–go into her the cul-de-sac and wait, but if I did surely she would see my car or I could do a u turn and wait between her street and mine and confront her as she turns on her street . Because this is not psychotic behavior.

As she was turning I turned my car and rolled my window down, I wanted to explain I am not a psycho but I am her neighbor and she almost killed me.  Not only did she ignore me but she drove past me as I was still motioning the “roll down ” motions.   And as she blew past me I noticed that she took the time to pull over and take off that MAGNET!  As if I couldn’t see the dirt circle where the magnet once was! What an amateur.

I pulled my car in my garage put my groceries on the counter and decided I was going to walk over to her house and ring her doorbell. Game on.

Let me stop by saying I know I sound completely unhinged. I recognize that I sound like an absolute lunatic right now. I was. There was no reasoning with me. My daughter was sitting doing her homework and as I dropped my groceries and ran out the front door I think she was fearing what was to come.

On my way over to my neighbors I was laughing to myself about what a total psycho I had become. This was a complete whacko move. This was what I read about on Facebook in mom group chats . Women who teeter on the brink then boom, someone runs a stop sign and you have middle aged woman on your doorstep. Next thing you know Ill be posting photos of her car in the FB group chats and writing a scary mommy blog post . I will show you “scary mommy”.

As I approached the house I saw her husband standing on the driveway. He had a phone to his ear and he looked concerned. I knew what he was thinking. I asked him if he lived there and if his wife drove a black ***** and is she driving around the neighborhood fearing a madwoman in an SUV chasing her down? I calmly explained his wife blew the stop sign, almost hit me then I said I knew what she was thinking. But, not to worry I was not following her (technically). I calmly again explained I have a young driver who at 17 would not have the reflexes I do after my many, many years of driving and most certainly would have had an accident. I was calm and well spoken and explained that I get it. We are all in a rush, trying to get our kids where they need to be. We are on the phone, texting and some of us are even eating but she is going to kill someone or run someone over. He was apologetic trying to tell me that this is not his wife’s normal behavior. I nodded but knew this is most certainly his wife’s behavior. She drove past my family laying in the street with their potentially dead dog, need I say more?

I apologized for scaring his wife  but the truth I wasn’t sorry.  I was still pissed and was hoping the scaredy cat would show up.  At this point she was still driving around the neighborhood like a nut job. Here I was trying to seem less unhinged than I appeared. Let’s be honest. I followed her to her house, even if it was 3 doors away. Then I walked over to her house. I was prepared to ring her bell I didn’t care. I was unhinged.

When I got home I was proud of myself for not going full throttle on the woman and her husband. I thought I was well spoken. I was pretty proud of myself. Then I replayed the story to my friend and realized I seemed like a total nut job. The thing is I don’t care. I did act like a nut job but no worse than the lunatic who was driving around my neighborhood thinking she was evading me.

Bottom line is this. Be cognizant of stop signs. When is says STOP you need to stop. Stay off the phone and please take the damn MAGNET off the car. There are so many reasons why those magnets are stupid but if you are planning on breaking the law and offending your neighbors my suggestion is you do it covertly. And do not piss off a mother of a new driver or you will have an unhinged middle aged woman chasing you down, blaring the Bridge and coming for you.