Animal House Millennial Style

When my kids were little, visiting day was the stressful part of the summer. Not because we worried if the kids would be ok leaving us at the end of the day but because we needed to make sure we were fully equipped.  Gift Baskets, take-out food, personalized gifts, bunk gift presents, you name it we had to have it. Because going to camp for 11k per summer not including all the clothes and crap was not enough there is always more more more.

You would think when camp ended that would be it. Except its not. Because after camp comes college, which brings acceptance photo, acceptance party, move in photo and of course, parents weekend.

Parents weekend was created, I’m assuming to give parents a chance too see where their hard-earned dollars are going while seeing their beloved children. Fast forward to 2019 and parents weekend is as far from that description as you can get.

Its hard to imagine the TV parents of our youth Marion and Howard Cunningham, doing a beer bong or hotboxing with Richie and Joanie. But somewhere between 1979 and now,] this is what being a parent in the millennium  has become.

My first parents weekend I was not prepared. I did not have the required school clothing to wear for the photo to be uploaded to face book. I had to borrow one.  I was not prepared for the pre-game before the tailgate. Nor was my husband prepared for the beer funnel he was coerced into doing (especially since he had not done one since 1986). I was not prepared to wake up before the crack of dawn to start drinking while watching my peers relive their youth ( or the youth they wished they had). And I was not prepared to  feel like I needed a Xanax by noon because the pressure to continue to drink and PARTY like a rock star was beyond my comprehension and physical ability. (See below)             Obligatory Tailgate photo,  Actual result of tailgating like I am not a member of AARP

All one has to do is look at facebook one weekend to figure out that the  schools have coordinated so most parent weekends are the same. And the photos look the same, with the same headline… AMAZING WEEKEND, LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THE BEST FRIENDS … then there are the photos that follow.  Child with 15 of their closest friends, many of whom in 6 months the child will never speak to again. The photo in the football stadium, we all have it. The one with  family and child in the stadium because we are all having so much at the football game, especially after drinking since dawn. Nothing says I love my child more than adults wearing bozo the clown overalls in college colors while chugging a beer. Then of course are the frat party photos, there is the “cool” mom with the college tattoo on her face, and of course we need the obligatory girl in a tube top, who cares that its 25 degrees outside.

I try to think back to my own college years and I am fairly certain my parents weekend went like this: my mom flew in, took me to Target, bought me some food and toiletries. Maybe she changed my sheets on my bed. Next, she took my roommates and I out to dinner. Met us for breakfast the next day.  End of story. Another parents weekend in the books. Its hard to imagine my mom with a face tattoo and ASU tank top walking around a frat party offering to partner up at beer pong with someone.
                                                                         (Parents weekend 1989)

I have another parents weekend coming up. I am told this is going to be epic. Someone actually used this word to describe the weekend to  me. I am not sure how to prepare for this epic-ness. At 52 I think epic is being able to do an exercise class without peeing in my pants so my barometer is a little skewed.

I am ready though. I have my old sneakers for the frat party, I have my obligatory school clothes, I am prepared to be friendly and plaster a  smile on my face at all times. I will go where I am told and only post 5 of the 10,000 photos that will be taken. Although the truth is this daughter hates social media so this begs the question. If I DON’T post obligatory photos of The Weekend did the weekend even happen?

Stay tuned….