High School Seniors

My what a long strange trip it’s been. Those words were the beginning of my commencement speech from high school , June 1985. I don’t remember anything else that our class president had to say after that . More so because I had made the brilliant decision to smoke a joint with my best friend on the way to graduation . This was more funny because she and I were not the kind to show up high for graduation , or pretty much anything . If you based your opinion on stereotypes all I can say is , she was in the marching band and on the tennis team , I was captain of the cheerleaders. I’m pretty sure if you surveyed any seniors who knew us and asked if we would be the ones who showed up high on graduation day they would say you were high . Get my point ? I do remember we pulled up and got out of the car and she left the keys In the ignition and the car was running , that may have been the highlight of my graduation day btw.

I’m pretty sure that day our class president talked about our paths in life and how we were about to embark on the best journey yet .. Blah blah blah . Most of his speech came from Grateful Dead quotes ( not a bad thing ) but I know they touched on how now we can make all our dreams happen, the world was ours .

So as I sit here waiting for my daughter to come out of high school I can’t help but look around at the other parents waiting with me . I go back and forth : I watch the seniors get in their cars, all young with good hair . They are so hopeful and optimistic , then I look over at my peers , sitting in their minivans , playing candy crush and I wonder where the hell did our lives detour so dramatically that somewhere along the way dreams became a pair of comfy shoes and sweatpants .

I pride myself on looking pretty good ( I said pretty good as in for me , let me qualify ) . However last Friday I didn’t feel well. I let my hair dry naturally ( I have Jersey Girl hair , big and curly )and put on sweats . My darling husband came home and said what the hell happened to you ? Your hair is from the 80’s and your not wearing sweatpants that fit .. Wtf.. My knee jerk reaction was to point out his shortcomings …  . Instead I kept it to myself.  Telling him his flaws doesn’t help , his ego is the size of Canada and me making fun of him only fuels the fire thus leading him to wear sleeveless shirts and clothes with teams on it . Instead I asked myself , what did happen ? How did I end up in sweatpants and bad hair . So I looked back in the archives of my life to get these answers and truthfully I had no answers . Instead I found myself compiling a list of things all young twenty something’s should do to try to avoid ending up looking like Medusa in bat mitzvah sweats .

When I was in college you didn’t get your hair done unless you were going to a wedding or a funeral , today it’s like brushing your teeth . Your young , you have disposable income . Treat yourself because $30 today is nothing . In 20 years when your kid wants $200 sneakers $30blow outs become a luxury

Go for it . Again $25 a week to spend on yourself to make you feel better .. Again in 20 years you will be wearing ugg boots never letting your toes see the light of day because between blow outs and no mani pedi you just saved $55.

Now I’m serious . A girl gets to wear a glass slipper only so often . Buy the expensive shoe now . You can always sell them later . Louboutins hold their value , their like fine wine and I promise you when your living in the suburbs and you realize you can buy a chair or a pair of shoes you’ll be kicking yourself in your ugly 9west knock offs that you didn’t splurge when you had no kids and actually worked for money.

Go . See the world or don’t but remember… one day black out fares , babysitters , dog sitters and schedules will rule your life and a 10,000 vacation is out of the question because you have camp . You will be sorry you never did that club med with your old college roommate because club med at 50 is just creepy and your club med is now a stay cation.

ok not promoting being a slut , we have Disney channel for that . I’m kidding . I just mean kiss a boy and enjoy it , play your fantasy out in your head . I love my husband but we have been together almost 20 years … I wish I could bottle the first 9 months we were together . Pure joy . I got sad being with him just knowing I wouldn’t see him the next morning if he wasn’t staying over , corny but true . Those first months are fantasy , enjoy them reality is also great but let’s face it fantasy can be pretty fucking awesome

I mean this with every fiber of my being . Put the phone down , please . Stop looking at Facebook or Instagram . Enjoy the moment with your friends because time is fast and furious and in the blink of an eye 20 years has gone by and you haven’t seen your best friend for 10 years . Make the memories about being in the actual moment don’t document every fucking second for the world . Laugh together , have experiences together , this will be the basis for your friendship down the road when your going through death and divorce . Not to get dark but life kicks you in the ass and it’s these friends who will be there for you. Friendships with a history tell more stories with a glance or look . these are the people who love you because of your flaws not in spite of them

Make big ones , fuck up . Go big or go home . This is it this is when it’s your chance to experience everything , and you should . Now is the time to screw up , this way when you have kids their only partially screwed up

Really . Take every opportunity given . Skydive , go to Africa ( ok well maybe not Africa political unrest can be dicey ) . I think what I’m trying to say is say YES and I CAN . and if you can’t , then say you’ll try . If you don’t try in your twenties you’ll never do it. Just do it … Whatever IT is ..once you have kids saying I can gets a lot harder unless it’s driving to the mall

I know this sounds weird but I feel like everyone is very serious today if I had known in my early twenties what I know today I would have laughed my ass off every day . I had no kids or husband to worry about wtf was I so consumed with .

I know everyone puts this on their list but it is true . In the blink of an eye I was 40 now I’m almost 50 ( sort of , not really .. but kind of ) I never knew how much I missed certain people in my life until they were gone . You don’t get do overs in life and just telling someone how you feel about them can be a game changer.

Really the list is about not having regrets . I have no regrets about anything I did in my earlier years ( this does not include people I may have done …haha)

I think I did everything on that list . Which could be how I ended up in ugly sweatpants And with bad hair . But I also ended up with a pretty cool life so I guess at the end of the day wearing my ugly sweats is worth it and I would do it tomorrow and probably will. So if you see me on the pick up line at school In an old sweatshirt and my hair all messed up , don’t judge me . Behind the wheel could be a skydiving lunatic who scaled mount Kilimanjaro …all while wearing louboutins.