I have had a crush on Scott Baio since 1974. No lie, not even Joanie loves Chachi could deter me. The first time I laid eyes on him with Jodi Foster in the movie Foxes I was hooked. I followed him through happy days right up until Charge in Charge. As I got older he aged but really really well so I always felt that somehow we caught up. I did not even fall off the wagon when I found out he was dating his younger, much younger…okay creepily borderline, disgusting, much younger, cast mate. I persevered and kept my crush right where it belonged, with me in secret. I don’t think it’s any coincidence my husband is a brash New Yorker with a very thick Queens accent (ok Scott was from Brooklyn but to a girl from New Jersey it’s all the same. Now I can pick out a Borough after 2 words!) I am sure somewhere down in my subconscious the first time he spoke to me I was hearing my childhood crush speak to me. Believe it or not they were so similar, and even though this was 1995, they seemed to almost dress the same. (Clearly looking back on this that should have been my red flag for his propensity to dress as if its still the 80’s.) So once I met my husband I was hooked …minus the red bandana on the leg. Lo and behold a few years ago VH1 was running a reality show starring none other than my true love, Scott Baio. My husband and I settled in to watch. Of course I made him watch with me…he needed to see my muse!As we started watching I started to get really uncomfortable and depressed. The premise was that Scott had not really matured and was trying to find “the One” for him. To do this he basically needed to go back to everyone he had dated or screwed or who the hell knows….by the end of the first episode I was repulsed . He had slept with so many women. he discarded them like empty water bottles. And these women were mostly 10’s. Im serious. I was watching this show in disbelief. These women were all drop dead gorgeous. In my fantasies I didn’t even look that good. Seriously this man is like a god…women literally seemed to fall at his feet. However he was flawed;really really flawed. I mean monumentally. Like…so flawed his good looks and boyish charm were so lost in his immaturity, that I was waiting for him to light a fart on fire!
I could not begin to tell you how depressing this was to me. I had spent years pining away at the fantasy of Scott Baio. In my mind he was far more mature and emotionally evolved than the overgrown frat boy I was watching on tv. How to move past this? How do you reconcile your fantasies with your reality?
What do you do when the image you have created in your head is exceeding the real one that stands before you? I suppose we have all experienced some sort of this disappointment at one point or another. Who does not fantasize about running into an ex boyfriend/girlfriend when you look your best? I know in my mind I have toned arms, taught belly and am tan. In reality it has been when it’s dead of winter, I am in the midst of a “fat stage” and I am about 3 weeks overdue for color. NO this was not how my fantasy was supposed to go. How am I supposed to make his wife seethe with jealousy and him rue the day he let me go if I look like a mad housewife minus the minivan?
I suppose it’s how we handle these reality checks rather than the reality check itself that shows us what kind of person we are or aspire to be. I bring this up because I actually had an encounter the other day with someone in my mind who was much nicer, prettier and overall a better person than I thought they were. In this business of blogging you really are privy to people’s worlds. In 1978, I had no lens into Scott Baio’s world other than Tiger beat and Teen Beat. There was no Tmz or Perez Hilton. If I found something out about him it was only through his publicist. He was untouchable and the fantasy of Scott was pretty damn good I may add. If it were today I could get google alerts letting me know every time his name was in a news column. I could follow his Twitter or find him on Facebook. There would be no fantasizing because short of me eating dinner at his dining room table I could be with him. Oh look, Scott is getting a car wash, he is at the supermarket… oh look he’s getting a parking ticket. Thanks but I’ll take the fantasy over the reality. I do not need to know he cries at night or just wants to be in a committed relationship.
But, I digress. My encounter. I met up with a blogger. Someone I follow quasi regularly. This person puts her self out there as a “regular “ person…someone who can relate to the masses and frankly sometimes i disagree but I do read her and sometimes really like what she puts out there. Now, I have never fantasized about meeting her and having some deep conversation with her but I did have a certain sense of respect for her based on her writing and things she has put out there about herself. Bullshit. It was all bullshit. I met her and recognized her from the photos on her blog. I did not blurt out “Hey! Are you so and so?” not for any other reason other than I did not want to seem like a single white female. The creepy factor was a little high for me. So I kept quiet about my secret of knowing her, however I tried to make small talk considering we were both at a dog babysitting place. She wasn’t taking the bait, in fact she was almost condescending.
I cannot tell you how I felt when she walked out. I wanted to run to her blog and call her out. Let her 5,000 followers know she is a fraud and fake. Hey friend of the everyday man where were you today when I tried to say hello? Now, I am sure if I recognized her in front of everyone in the store her attitude would have been different..I am sure she would have been more than gracious to take accolades for her work. Speaking of, when I got home I went right on her blog to review what I ever saw in this person and you know what? The signs were there. I just chose to ignore them. She blogs about herself and her fabulousness mostly. Her fabulous life and all who are in it. So really, when I saw her she probably just thought I was not as fabulous as she is. Fair enough. You can take a pig out of the trough and dress it up but its still a pig right? In all fairness I should have not been as let down as I felt considering I had built this person up in my mind to be nicer and more welcoming than she was. Nowhere on her blog does she profess to be nice and friendly. I just assumed it because I felt like I knew her from reading what she puts out there….not necessarily making it true. It just means it’s out there.
My lesson in all of this is that fantasies sometimes are better left where they originated, in your head. This is why I do not even play the fantasy game with my husband. A- I really do not want to know his wildest fantasy. If i’m not it, don’t bother telling me..it will lead to nowhere good and he cannot win. I’m not telling him mine because I am pretty sure he is not growing any taller any time soon and I have no idea where to find a United States Marine uniform to rent but thats a different conversation. The whole idea of a fantasy is to keep it in your head make it yours, let your crush be larger than life, let your ex pine away for you, let your favorite blogger become your best friend; whatever works. Just remember when your fantasy and reality eventually meet you know, worlds collide..you can handle it!
What do I do? I just make my husband put that red bandana on his leg and talk to me. I close my eyes and I’m the weight it says on my drivers license. Fantasies, remember? For the record….Scott Baio is still my guy!
