Say Goodnight Gracie.. Happy Birthday to my sidekick

                                  (Adam circa 1980,his future already mapped out while in woodshop)

Today is  another birthday in my house. It is Adam’s birthday and it is a big one. In true Adam fashion we are headed to the beach. For those of you who know my husband this is his only wish. He is a fairly simple man. His needs are simple. Wake up, have a nice cup of coffee (his words), a fresh hot bagel with cream cheese and baked salmon, and go sit on the beach for 14 hours.  So far the only thing that may happen is the coffee and bagel as the weather in NY looks pretty crappy for his big day. Since my gift to him is actually trying to NOT get him a gift, I thought I could write a blog post for him. It’s free and since only about 8 people read this, it’s not too humiliating.

What can I say to my husband on his birthday? I could write it like a FaceBook post. I could tell the world how unbelievable he is, how amazing he is, how in love we are, but let’s be honest. Those FaceBook posts are BS and frankly that is not me. I would rather be honest, not that I don’t love my husband, I do but I don’t not need to profess my undying love to prove it. It’s like the woman who talks about having sex with her husband all the time.  If you are talking about it chances are you are having more sex with yourself than your husband.

So here is my ode to Adam on his birthday. First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for our awesome kids and great life, thank you for all the wonderful things you have taught all of us through the years. For instance, never buy cut up fruit because you don’t know if the person cutting it is wearing gloves, and they use the days old fruit to cut up. Never eat peanuts or finger food off the bar, someone could have gone to the bathroom and not washed their hands. Now you are eating urine and fecal nuts. Thank you for teaching me to NEVER open the door to the bathroom without a tissue or paper towel, since according to you most people NEVER wash their hands. Thank you for teaching me to use my elbow when pushing the elevator button, since those same disgusting people who just left the bathroom are now in the elevator pushing the buttons with their fecal splattered fingers. 

Thank you for teaching me that you can return food to a supermarket. That you can actually ask for a discount at a department store (who knew!). That almost everything is negotiable.  Thank you for showing me that you can eat an entire 3 course meal and STILL be hungry and eat tostitos after dinner as a snack and still get on the scale that same night and lament you have lost weight. That lesson I could do without. Thank you for teaching me that you can slather sunscreen on in a way that somehow allows you to still get really tan and look like the joker all at the same time. Thank you for teaching me that it is possible to fall asleep literally anywhere at anytime. Thank you for teaching me that indeed all fashion does eventually come back so it really is a good idea to save that sweater from 1989 because lo and behold in 2017 the look is back in. Thank you for teaching me that words like schvadyding, sprachie,fakakta and legit are part the Darrow vocabulary. Thank you for teaching us that when it is 70 degrees it’s acceptable to open all windows because “cross ventilation.” And of course thank you for teaching us to dress monochromatically at all times.

I really could go on and on for all the funny and odd attributes you bring to the table, but the truth is I need to thank you for so much more. I need to thank you for being my number one supporter. No matter what I do (most of the time) you are behind me 100%. You show me unwavering support even when I am off the rails and completely irrational. Thank you for being a better husband than I could have dreamed about. Thank you for always being realistic and rational because those are two qualities I do not posess. Thank you for understanding that sometimes a new pocketbook is just as important as those 4 words, “Did you Lose Weight?”

Thank you for always putting our family first and never backing down when it comes to supporting any of us. Thank you for being the best father to our kids. Thank you for always being willing to play along with whatever crazy thing the girls (usually Morgan) has you doing. Thank you for teaching our kids how to be a true and loyal friend and what a real friendship looks like. Thank you for teaching them to be humble and kind and that family is always number one. Thank you for teaching them that you will always be there to help them, teach them, and support them. Thank you for teaching them  that U2 is the only band that really matters. (even if I don’t agree,I am impressed with your conviction)  Thank you for teaching our girls that the kid in high school who may or may not have been a metal-head can turn out to have more in common with them than they think.

So on your big day I want to say Thank You and today we will celebrate you. We will drink our coffee, go to the beach, read the NY Post, Barrons and Sports Illustrated. I promise for 24 hours I will not speak about my weight, shopping, or college (not sure what we will talk about but maybe that’s the point! #silence!).  We want to thank you for letting us fly our freak flags when need be and  for all you sacrifice every day our family (hello NJ Transit!) but mostly we want to thank you for being you. Without you we would all be getting E-Coli from eating at unsanitary salad bars, causing us to be worse off in the hospital where inevitably we would get some airborne illness. So thank you for protecting us and always being the comic foil for the family. I am personally thanking you for teaching me that “age is just a number” and of course, Thank you in advance for the awesome weekend that I have planned in honor of your birthday, you were so generous!!