Getting ready for college has probably always been a stressful time. I must say though it seems to have taken on a life of its own in this digital age. If I see one more article on Facebook clog my newsfeed about packing for college or what emotional mindset my mind needs or things I wish I told my college freshman I’m going to scream. We get it our kids are leaving, going to college, not living with us anymore. Got it. However there are some things that go on that no one tells you about that need to be discussed right here right now. And that is the Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off sale.
I know, I know they always have 20% off. Uh uh. This is 20% off your entire purchase. That’s right all those lists you have been reading on Grown and Flown about what to bring to school…..Pull those suckers out because it’s 20 off EVERYTHING!!!
I had been patiently waiting for this since the end of my daughter’s junior year because every person I came into contact with said “did you get your 20% off coupon? I was ready and waiting for it. But it never came. Like nothing. No email, no text no nothing! So I did what any other anxiety riddled middle aged, hormone depleted woman would do and I called Bed Bath screaming like a lunatic! So 3 (yes 3) 20% off coupons later I was truly armed and ready. I had rsvp’d on line, downloaded the app I was now really good to go. That is until my husband said “I think I’ll come with you” what ?? “Why on earth would you want to come with us and put yourself through this ?”Not to mention what we would be put through. Now I was having real anxiety, the last thing I needed was Adam following my daughter and myself around asking why she needed a squatty potty. Especially one for $29.99.
I needed a way to distract him. I suggested getting gas in a neighboring town (cheaper), catching up on correspondence (thank you Friends!) searching the camp website for photos of our other daughter, anything but please don’t come with us.
Twenty minutes later the three of us pulled up to bed and bath and the frenzy had started. There were plenty of fathers there so it was not “weird or “creepy” (per my daughter).
Once we checked in (this is serious you have to rsvp!) got our college list we really got moving. I was scanning like it was nobody’s business, for the first 5 minutes. Then began the interrogation. “Why does she need that clock ?” “Can we get it cheaper at Best Buy?” Why are you getting the biggest size? “Why does she need a laundry basket that big”? On and on and on. Finally I whispered to my daughter “Don’t worry I have 3 coupons we will come back, dad will never know. Of course you can get the light bulb for the toilet bowl, and the set of stackable shelves that fold into a yoga mat, go right ahead I said to Lindsay.
As I’m saying this, I’m noticing very large things are appearing in the cart. Stacks of washcloths, jumbo sizes of random things, like the biggest fan, the largest makeup mirror that charges your phone at the same time. All are turning up in the cart with no room to spare. As I turn to ask where this is coming from I see my husband struggling to pick up and grasp the largest laundry hamper contraption filled to the top with merchandise, that I have ever seen. “What are you doing, I ask? I was now mortified (there were ALOT of people there I knew!) He says: “all you guys are.. are just bottom shelf shoppers, the bigger it is the better for you” “Doesn’t matter what it is… if it’s the biggest you need it and want to buy it so I figured why not add this, it’s the biggest in the store”.
I looked at my daughter and we both started to laugh because even though I hated to admit it, he was right! I always look to the bottom shelf and I have absolutely no idea why. I do tend to just order the biggest and largest regardless if I need it. My iced coffees from Dunkin? always a large. My iced tea? of course a large. When ordering take-out chinese food, no pint for me its always the quart size. My mind went back to my make-up organizer I bought a few weeks ago. It was so big it couldn’t fit on my bathroom vanity, I had to put it on the floor. Adam and myself were tripping over this thing almost every time we walked into the bathroom, and I still thought it was ok! It was a Kim Kardashian make up organizer!! Same one as Yeezy has in his bathroom. Except his bathroom is probably the size of my entire upstairs. And he may or may not be worth millions of dollars. Sadly it was sent back to where it came from.
As I looked at my cart now filled with jumbo items like a giant shower head and dozens of washcloths I laughed. I laugh so hard I may have pee’d , because the stress of sending my daughter off to college was clearly getting to me. The pressure of making sure she had “all the right things” affected any common sense I had left. Her giant step stool was not helping her overcome what anxiety she is feeling or sense of homesickness. (plus where is she putting that?)
As I put back the laundry hamper I decided that I would try to start to de-clutter and downsize. It’s time for fresh starts for all of us. However, if you see me on line at Dunkin Donuts ordering a jumbo iced tea, no judgement please remember it is the small (or large) things in life that get us through the day. 
(My actual large iced tea!)
beyond hysterical! #loveallthedarrows