The other night I faced the ultimate humiliation as a 48 Year old woman. I went out for a nice romantic dinner with my husband .. One that I already had trepidation about going to since the restaurant is notorious for the young and fabulous. My husband assured me it was a beautiful night and we would watch the sunset .As we pulled Into the parking lot I noticed the 20 something’s in their crop tops . I’m not blind I saw what was ahead of me but as I perused the perimeter I also noticed mothers and women who I thought were not so far out of my fashion or age stratosphere .
As I stood in line to talk to the hostess I noticed the party of 6 in front of me . Not one of them were over 25 but other than that nothing special . Actually they were bland . If they were ice cream they would be vanilla . They sat immediately …so fast they left their vineyard vines whale waving in the dust . As I approached the podium and smiled at the hostess I saw her give me the once over . I chose to ignore it because I chose to be the bigger person so when I smiled and said “2 for outside ” I really did t think I would encounter pushback . She smiled looked away and said outside is an hour and a half wait . Silence . I decided this could go two ways . I could berate her and bring her to tears or I could walk away . First I said to her “you are joking right ” just to let her know I was on to her . She did say we could immediately sit inside … Code word for hiding the middle aged couple we don’t want anyone to see .
I walked back out to the car where my husband was waiting . My husband looks like he’s 14. He should have gone in and snuck the aging ogre in the back . I told him you should have gone in then I proceeded to tell him what happened . He asked me why I didn’t ask for a manager . A manager ? I was already so humiliated by this insipid little twerp why would I further humiliate myself by engaging another 20 something to embarrass myself .
My husband doesn’t understand why I didn’t go above her head and make her feel like a worthless piece of crap who’s only self worth comes from enabling people to get a good seat in a restaurant . I did not agree . Why would I want to be in a place I’m not wanted . I played this game 25 years ago … There was no freakin way I was doing it again . However . I chastised myself for not speaking up and telling her exactly what was on my mind and should this happen to me again here are some of the things I would say to her:
1. I know you. You look at me and see a middle aged mom but 25 years ago I had a slim body , silky hair and not a wrinkle on the horizon . But 20 years 2 kids and a husband sneak up on you very quickly. Enjoy your youth because at 20 you think you’ll look like that forever and 30 years from now you’ll be in leggings and a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt
2. You think sitting with the cool kids now matters … Listen I’ve been on VIP couches and have been behind red velvet ropes in my time . Nothing beats your child being picked for a team or included in a party . Any fleeting moment of false pretense can’t compare . Whosever VIP table I sat at when I was 24 probably doesn’t remember my name but my child will always remember how they felt when they sat in the first row for a Taylor Swift concert or was chosen for a sports team .
3. You feel powerful now because you made a middle aged woman feel insecure about her aging looks and body . — send me a photo of you after you’ve sat up all night with a crying baby or worse , a teenager who just read something terrible about her in a group chat. Or realizing that you should not spend that $795 on your electric blue shoes because your daughter needs another tutor and another tutor and yet another tutor . So it’s fine you put baby in the corner because one day your baby will actually be put in a corner and let’s see who helps you out of that jam … Perhaps your middle aged neighbor who is just a little older and a little wiser ( and a little more wrinkled and meaty)
And lastly I would say to her, you think your powerful in your summer job here seating people … But when summer is over and you need a real job and you need to rely on your connections … Who do you think is going to help you ? Your middle aged parents friends … And I promise, you don’t know me personally but when you humiliate one of us you do it to all of us and we talk and we listen . So the person you humiliated and made feel insecure could also be married to someone you will be groveling to for a job . And when that persons husband tells them about the young kid who he has to meet as a favor to find them a job I assure you , your name is getting tossed out like yesterday’s garbage or an old pair of parachute pants .
I know I sound angry because I am . It’s hard enough to make it every day feeling good without some ignorant 20 something judging you because you are wearing a peasant shirt to hide your rolls rather than flaunting your washboards abs ….and. By the way I never had washboard abs.
So scratch that restaurant off my list , even if they called and begged me to come back I would sooner go to chipotle in a strip mall . And for the record My husband thinks I’m still smoking hot which really is the only opinion I care about . Through every fad diet and personal trainer he always tells me he loves me and how good I look . Clearly middle age is affecting his eyesight but that’s ok I’ll take blind compliments any day of the week from someone I love over validation from a nobody standing behind a seating chart .
So maybe tonight when she goes home she can remember how great a job she did seating the hot 25 year old guy who won’t remember her name . I’ll be at home , toasting her with my friends laughing at the ignorance of youth as we tell each other how fabulous we are … Because we are !
So maybe tonight when she goes home she can remember how great a job she did seating the hot 25 year old guy who won’t remember her name . I’ll be at home , toasting her with my friends laughing at the ignorance of youth as we tell each other how fabulous we are … Because we are !
